


It's Not Worth The Guilt

by buckycap



Category: Captain America, Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (2012), Winter Soldier (Comics), Winter Soldier - Fandom
Genre: Biting, Fluff, M/M, SHIELD, SHIELD Infirmary, The Hand
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-14
Updated: 2013-04-14
Packaged: 2017-12-08 12:36:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/761373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buckycap/pseuds/buckycap
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve is badly injured in a fight with The Hand and Bucky deals with the guilt of not being there to watch his back (literally).</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Not Worth The Guilt

**Author's Note:**

> I really suck at titles, and this was my first time writing Bucky so critique is welcomed!

Fourteen hours.

Fourteen hours Bucky had spent pacing a circuit into the waiting room floor, anxious for news of his lover. The Hand had attacked without any warning, Steve first on the scene purely because he was in the area but he hadn’t been prepared to take on 17 or more Ninja’s intent on stealing a crystal from the bank vault. Bucky had arrived half an hour later with a team of agents and Tony and Natasha covering the back. They found Steve in the vault, littered with unconscious bodies and the crystal proudly in his grasp but his suit, and subsequently his skin; torn to ribbons. Ninja’s were fast, their blades sharp but Steve packed a punch and he never let anyone down. Which is why Bucky was here now, waiting for news and finally the doctor came to tell him that Steve was healing nicely, had rested and was recovering. Not much more was said before the assassin had slipped past and into Steve’s room, lingering near the door for a moment. Steve was spread out on his stomach, still in his bloodied suit (well the bottom half anyway). He was dozing lightly, his torso rippling gently with each breath, the bunch and shift of muscle across his back when he encountered any pain. Bucky’s heart ached to see the scratches and cuts, the worse hidden by white gauze yet Bucky had seen enough the day before. The blood, the split flesh and the pain clouding those blue eyes. Still, it mattered not. Cautiously he moved forward, watching Steve sleep and reaching forward his bionic arm to brush chilled fingers over a purple bruise blossoming near Steve’s spine. The touch drew a groan from the Captain, a slight movement but it wasn’t until Bucky’s fingers met Steve’s spine did the Captain wake.

“Buck..?” Slightly groggy and sore, Steve knew that cool touch, knew only one would risk touching him like this and he smiled into the pillow before turning his head. “Shh, it’s me,” Bucky smiled faintly, silver fingers stroking a path up his lovers spine and watching the skin ripple in a shiver and goose bump. “Bucky.. you weren’t worried where you?” Bucky’s hand paused for a moment at the question before continuing, his thumb sliding lightly over the edge of some gauze. He had been. Worried that something so simple would steal the Captain from him, leave him alone again and he could not stand the thought. So here he was, touching and forcing Steve’s body to react to the chill of his bionic arm to make sure he was okay. To see that his body still reacted to him, that he truly was still alive. The silence was all the answer Steve needed and he would have rolled over if not for the worse injuries being on his back. Steve could feel his hand creeping up his skin until a familiar silver hand came into view as it stroked over his shoulder. Touch was important to both of them; to Steve it reminded him that he wasn’t alone, that his actions hadn’t been stupid. “The diamond..” Steve began, shifting slightly before Bucky pressed firmly on his shoulder and forced him to stop moving. Settling back, Steve heard an almost satisfied sigh from Bucky before the bed dipped with his additional weight. “No work talk. You did was you always do,” Bucky murmured, crawling carefully over the top of Steve, green eyes scanning and mapping every injury and mark that covered the back of the man he loved before his head dipped between his shoulders and lips brushed over a red cut near the base of Steve’s spine. “You succeeded. The diamond is safe in SHIELD until we can work out what they want with it.”

Steve nodded against the pillow, eyes closing at the familiar feel of lips on his tender skin before he felt the wet heat of his lover tongue set a fire over the cut. “Bucky,” Steve groaned and squirmed slightly, a hand curling into the pillow. Bucky glanced up, watching Steve move before back at the slice he had just licked over, so close to the base of Steve’s spine. So dangerous. “Came so close..” Too close. He should have been there to watch his back. While Steve had been fighting, keeping up a strong front there was no one watching his back, no one and that was why there were so many injuries. The guilt that seized James in that moment was painful until he heard a low rumble in Steve’s throat. “Not close enough,” the Captain muttered. “And if you dare blame yourself I will kick you right off this bed.” The lack of energy Steve had would make that a difficult task and they both knew it but Bucky still smiled at the threat before kissing over a bruise. “Not close enough..” The assassin repeated the words, leaning up over Steve and using his flesh hand this time to trace every bump in his spine, sweeping down to his hip. Steve had such confidence in his recovery while James would linger on what could have been, what he had not been there to stop. Steve glanced carefully over his shoulder, catching Bucky’s gaze and relaxing once he had drawn a smile out of the assassin. “How long do you think it will take?” Bucky asked, tracing lightly over a bruise and pressing lightly until Steve murmured in pain. Bucky had to know. He had to know how much it hurt, where it hurt; storing it away in his memory and making sure to kiss over every mark when they were healed. “Bucky, have I ever told you that you are such a dog?” Steve raised a brow, the hand on his hip, despite the twinge of pain; brought the Captain comfort even though he knew Bucky’s thoughts had turned to their usual adrenaline fueled after battle fuck and he grinned at the snort from the assassin.

“Couple of days, a week at most. Some of them are..” Steve trailed off and a heavy silence fell in the room, one broken only by the machines proving Steve was alive. Bucky’s attention turned to the strips of gauze all over his lovers back and with one hand he gently strokes over the material. “Deep, twisted. Fourteen hours I waited Steve, I know it’s more than cat scratches.” Bucky wanted to see, badly but he wouldn’t risk it, he would wait until there was scars and he could soothe away the pain, the memory. Just like Steve did. On the nights when the night terrors gripped Bucky like a vice, when he couldn’t breathe or move; Steve would be there kissing away the memories, sucking over scars and marks from his time as the Winter Soldier and he would calm. Relax under Steve skilled tongue until nothing existed but the warmth of Steve’s big arms and soft lips. That kept him grounded. Since Steve didn’t scar, Bucky took every chance he could to return the favour. Still.. Bucky slid up further, finally reaching the top of Steve’s spine with his fingers and mouth and he kissed along a ripple of muscle before biting down on the firm flesh. Hard. Steve gasped, feeling Bucky’s teeth sink deeper and he groaned but seconds later his lovers tongue was soothing over the bite mark and Bucky’s forehead was pressing between his shoulder blades. “I prefer it when the only pain and marks you carry are from me,” Bucky murmured into his back and Steve’s heart caught in his throat for a moment. Since Bucky had entered he had been so careful, so attentive to Steve and his injuries and the Captain knew this was having an effect on his lover. One that neither of them had control over.

“Fourteen _hours_..” Bucky’s voice sounded strained and Steve raised up a little, feeling Bucky shift with him. Somehow he reached back and found Bucky’s hand, threading their fingers together and gripping tight. “I’m here James. Right here.” Bucky gripped back just as tight, the image of Steve shredded and bloody still etched into his mind but he would get there. Finally the assassin slipped to the side into the small space between Steve and the edge of the bed. It was small but James made sure he could fit. He would always fit. Steve tilted his head, Bucky’s face inches away from his and finally, finally he could press their lips together and taste his lover. Hard and desperate, full of apologies and love and Bucky kissed him back just as hard, just as sorry before they broke apart, Bucky’s lips brushing over Steve’s nose.

“So.. you think I can last 5 days without sex?” Bucky teased with a grin and Steve knew then that he had been forgiven for being so reckless, forgiven for charging in without back up and risking his life like that.

“Well,” Steve shifted to rest their foreheads together. “My mouth still works fine..”


End file.
